These pictures came from one of our prenatal appointments (April 23).

This is twin B which should be Kai.

This is twin A which should be Thomas.

Here is a picture of both kids at the first trimester genetic screening ultrasound.

When these ultrasounds are done, "A" is assigned to the twin that is located closer to the bottom of the uterus and "B" is the other one. Therefore, this should be Kai.

Thomas was not in the mood to be photographed this particular day. The technician had to push and prod to get him into the position that she needed him in.

Since Lizzard had been rather sick and had lost 10 pounds in the first trimester, an extra prenatal appointment gave us more pictures. These are from May 7th.

This should be Kai.

Thomas was a little hard to photograph, but we saw him very clearly. He's sort of visible on the bottom right of this picture.

Another thing we saw clearly but didn't come through on the pictures is the twins relative placement to each other. It was like they were on bunk beds - one on top of the other. Very cool to see.

Of course, we didn't know their genders at this point yet.

At our prenatal appointment on 22 May, a complication in the pregnancy was detected and we were sent to Labor & Delivery. The following afternoon, the twins were born. Other than being very early, our sons were physically perfect.

On June 1st, they were buried in a small, private ceremony.

This is a picture that Stamps created. It has the handprints of all the members of our family as of May 23, 2009.

• Red = Stamps
• Blue = Lizzard
• Green = Thomas
• Purple = Kai
• Orange = Mikey

One of Stamps' online artist friends drew this for us. Somehow, it's a comforting picture - a reminder that death is not the end. That our sons are under the watchful gaze of our Heavenly Father, even now.

I made this a month after the boys came and went. They are now my guiding stars.

(Click to see it a little bigger)

Some of the quotes that got me through the first eight weeks after the boys died. Some are church related, some aren't.

(Click to see it bigger)

Here is a poem I wrote on Feb 9th, 2010.

The loss of my sons had been weighing heavily on my mind. As I tried to go to sleep one night, the basic outline of this poem came into my head. The next day, I flushed it out. While I'm not a poet and will never pretend to be, I was quite pleased with how this turned out. For me, it captures both the grief of the loss but also the hope I have for the future.

(click to see it bigger)

While reading in the Book of Mormon, I read this scripture. The original refers to those of the people of Ammon who allowed themselves to be slaughtered rather than break the oath they'd taken to never again shed human blood. Though I'd read it several times before, it hit me in a different way when I read it this time. I found that it echos my sentiments about my sons.

The picture of the sunset and the mountains was taken in Orem, Utah.

(click to see it bigger)

Here's the headstone that my husband designed for our sons. The border is the same that is used on the doors of the Portland Oregon Temple, which is where we were sealed. Since we believe that sealing allows our sons to remain an eternal part of our family, it seemed an appropriate choice.

"Agni Nostri" means "our lambs."

Sometime in late 2010 or early 2011, the idea for this picture fleshed itself out in my head.

Click to see a bigger version.

In October 2010, I was missing my sons in a big way. We were heavily getting involved in qualifying for adoption so that's probably why I was thinking so much about the sons that I'd lost. This rather long poem didn't take very long to write. I like that it captures both the sadness at losing them but also the hope of the life we'll have together and that they'll have siblings (whether adopted or biological). When I post this today, on their second birthday, a brother is already on his way. Life does go on, but there are some things we should never forget.

Click to see it bigger so you can actually read it, hopefully.